-Cameron has a job working for Red Wing Shoes (and has had it since August). He rocks at selling those steel-toed boots. He also has more pairs of boots, including ones with 1,000 Grams of Thinsulation that he wears every day, than I can count.
-I have a bacteria infection. Ew. Medicine is making me sick as I type, and I feel like a wuss.
-I start school in approximately three weeks. Yikes.
-I'm not pregnant.
-Cameron is not considering Border Patrol currently has his occupation of choice (thank you, thank you thank you).
-I feel grinchish or scrougish this Christmas. I just can't get into it. It's probably those dang meds ^.
-Life is fun.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Books Destroy me... in the Best Way Possible.
It's been awhile. Sorry psuedo-journal.
I recently finished two books. Both different, but both dealing with death in some aspect. The first left me feeling energized and ready to tackle any obstacle that has the misfortune to cross my path-weird, I know that a book about death would do that to me. There is just something about that Katniss Everdeen who appropriately has serious PTSD problems, yet handles the most grueling things, that makes me want to strangle the heck out of trials.
The second ripped apart my insides, forced me to look at them and analyze the depth of my lack of understanding of death, and then gently set me down sobbing. Seriously. It's amazing to me that impact that books have on my personality and my emotions. Made up stories by people I have never met have the power to change my perspective on the simplest aspect of this thing we call life.
After watching Catching Fire twice and rereading Mockingjay, I obsessed over every detail and read or watched as much as I could about the characters and even the actors. It consumed me for a few days (or weeks, who am I kidding?). Sometimes I wish the best books would be left alone and not made into movies. I feel like that just confuses my sense of reality. Hate me if you want, but I am very pleased with the decisions made by the Hunger Games people. However, I find myself falling into a pre-pubescent teenage girl drama where I feverishly wonder if Josh Hutcherson and Jennifer Lawrence will REALLY end up together and live out that whole Peeta-Katniss relationship. It's so silly.
They are making the second book, The Fault in our Stars by John Greene into a full-blown movie. I'm in a conflicted state. I loved that book. Probably too much. It deals with the horror of being a pitied cancer patient awaiting impending death and then losing a beautiful boyfriend to more cancerous death. It sucked in all the best ways. I bawled. I laughed. I mourned. I found light. I questioned. I loved it. Do I watch the movie? Do I see the characters that have become so intimately mine turn into someone else? I truly can't decide.
I love reading. I have read more for pleasure in the last two years than I have since I read the Babysitter Club Series under my bed as a ten year old. I can't wait to push this love of literature down the throats of some unsuspecting eighth grader. Yay!
Anyway, books are cool.
I recently finished two books. Both different, but both dealing with death in some aspect. The first left me feeling energized and ready to tackle any obstacle that has the misfortune to cross my path-weird, I know that a book about death would do that to me. There is just something about that Katniss Everdeen who appropriately has serious PTSD problems, yet handles the most grueling things, that makes me want to strangle the heck out of trials.
The second ripped apart my insides, forced me to look at them and analyze the depth of my lack of understanding of death, and then gently set me down sobbing. Seriously. It's amazing to me that impact that books have on my personality and my emotions. Made up stories by people I have never met have the power to change my perspective on the simplest aspect of this thing we call life.
After watching Catching Fire twice and rereading Mockingjay, I obsessed over every detail and read or watched as much as I could about the characters and even the actors. It consumed me for a few days (or weeks, who am I kidding?). Sometimes I wish the best books would be left alone and not made into movies. I feel like that just confuses my sense of reality. Hate me if you want, but I am very pleased with the decisions made by the Hunger Games people. However, I find myself falling into a pre-pubescent teenage girl drama where I feverishly wonder if Josh Hutcherson and Jennifer Lawrence will REALLY end up together and live out that whole Peeta-Katniss relationship. It's so silly.
They are making the second book, The Fault in our Stars by John Greene into a full-blown movie. I'm in a conflicted state. I loved that book. Probably too much. It deals with the horror of being a pitied cancer patient awaiting impending death and then losing a beautiful boyfriend to more cancerous death. It sucked in all the best ways. I bawled. I laughed. I mourned. I found light. I questioned. I loved it. Do I watch the movie? Do I see the characters that have become so intimately mine turn into someone else? I truly can't decide.
I love reading. I have read more for pleasure in the last two years than I have since I read the Babysitter Club Series under my bed as a ten year old. I can't wait to push this love of literature down the throats of some unsuspecting eighth grader. Yay!
Anyway, books are cool.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
By the way
Cameron lost his job after four days. It was no fault of his own, and the employer was very gracious to him. She needed full time, he could offer part, and she didn't realize that when she hired him. No worries-I will trust God some more!
It's happening!
So, I discovered something in the last month. It's a scary thing. A thing I watched in other people and thought, "I will never, ever, EVER have that happen to me." That thing is called... (like the drama? haha)
Yup. Sadness, moping, greatly disliking myself, my life, and every aspect of both (besides my cute husband. Him I will always love) was depression. I abandoned this newborn baby of a blog/journal/thing because I couldn't work up the desire to put any of my thoughts down on the interweb. I couldn't stand the thought of someone (as if?) reading what I was writing. I was not creative enough to grab people's attention and keep them here. I doubted my abilities in everything.
To put it lightly, it was awful. I cried a lot. I was sleepy wayyy too much. I lost the desire to work out or eat healthy, and I just didn't feel good. In one of my internet surfing days at work, I stumbled across a website that talked about your body telling you that you are depressed. As I mentally went check! check! check! down the list, I realized that I had more of those symptoms than I ever wanted to admit. I knew my family had a history of depression, but I am the happy one! I am optimistic! I don't have time to be depressed.
One day in a crying frenzy that was probably pre-period, I told Cameron that I thought I was depressed. Nothing felt right inside of me, and that was the only explanation I could give him. He didn't like that one bit. To him, my depression made him a bad husband--totally not the case at all.
As we talked, more things started making sense. I'm working in a very un-fulfilling job (good work... when there is work) where I surf the internet and turn my brain to mush every day. I lack a goal of some sort, or a purpose, for my every day happiness to reside on. I miss the stress and deadlines of school. Or just in general, I miss school.
We talked for quite awhile, and he basically gave me the best advice he could, "It will get better. Ask for more things to do at work. Read a church talk every day at work. Find a purpose. Pray." All of Cameron's answers have to do with praying (I love that). I tried. I prayed. I thought I found a spiritual purpose. I worked hard to keep my mind busy with something worthwhile at work (other than that darn Iwastesomuchtime.com or other such black holes of nothingness).
It didn't work. The same symptoms were still there. I was still unhappy, and argumentative, and always bugged with every tiny little thing.
A few breakthroughs happened along the way: I went to Laurel Legacy and realized how much I need my Savior. I also realized how great my life is. But those things didn't stick, ya know? and I was bugged. Also, a job that I'd set my heart on fell through and I was pretty bummed. I had been pretty sure that getting a new job would solve all of my problems (new people! new place! I'd learn SPANISH!).
Fast forward to a week and a half ago. Again, pre-period crying after Cameron and I had a heart to heart. I didn't feel like I had a purpose. I couldn't stay in this job much longer. I was so sad and heartbroken and mad at myself for distancing my husband.
Then, magic happened. (GEEZE Aubrey, this is the most dramatic thing I think I've ever written). Cameron suggested I go back to school. At first, the thought terrified me. More student loans is the worst possible thing that ever crossed my mind. However, the more we talked about it, the more peace settled into my heart. School, again? That can happen? Cameron offered to get a job (I've been working full time so he doesn't have to through school) if I had to quit mine for something part time. I suddenly realized that my dream of going to college with my husband may finally be coming true. Just imagine those football games! Cheesy pictures galore! I was even willing to accept the fact that I had to go to WSU and not my beloved Utah State.
So, here we are. I've done my research. I'm applying to receive my teaching license through Weber State's Master of Education program. and I'm going to become the real Mrs. Page, teacher! It didn't really feel real until I threw down a solid $115 for the Praxis and another $20 for a study guide. That is WAY too much money for our small budget, but I know it will be worth it. This peace can't be lyin.
Can you believe it????!!!! I'm going back to school! I better whip my grammar back into shape, fast!
Depression.
Yup. Sadness, moping, greatly disliking myself, my life, and every aspect of both (besides my cute husband. Him I will always love) was depression. I abandoned this newborn baby of a blog/journal/thing because I couldn't work up the desire to put any of my thoughts down on the interweb. I couldn't stand the thought of someone (as if?) reading what I was writing. I was not creative enough to grab people's attention and keep them here. I doubted my abilities in everything.
To put it lightly, it was awful. I cried a lot. I was sleepy wayyy too much. I lost the desire to work out or eat healthy, and I just didn't feel good. In one of my internet surfing days at work, I stumbled across a website that talked about your body telling you that you are depressed. As I mentally went check! check! check! down the list, I realized that I had more of those symptoms than I ever wanted to admit. I knew my family had a history of depression, but I am the happy one! I am optimistic! I don't have time to be depressed.
One day in a crying frenzy that was probably pre-period, I told Cameron that I thought I was depressed. Nothing felt right inside of me, and that was the only explanation I could give him. He didn't like that one bit. To him, my depression made him a bad husband--totally not the case at all.
As we talked, more things started making sense. I'm working in a very un-fulfilling job (good work... when there is work) where I surf the internet and turn my brain to mush every day. I lack a goal of some sort, or a purpose, for my every day happiness to reside on. I miss the stress and deadlines of school. Or just in general, I miss school.
We talked for quite awhile, and he basically gave me the best advice he could, "It will get better. Ask for more things to do at work. Read a church talk every day at work. Find a purpose. Pray." All of Cameron's answers have to do with praying (I love that). I tried. I prayed. I thought I found a spiritual purpose. I worked hard to keep my mind busy with something worthwhile at work (other than that darn Iwastesomuchtime.com or other such black holes of nothingness).
It didn't work. The same symptoms were still there. I was still unhappy, and argumentative, and always bugged with every tiny little thing.
A few breakthroughs happened along the way: I went to Laurel Legacy and realized how much I need my Savior. I also realized how great my life is. But those things didn't stick, ya know? and I was bugged. Also, a job that I'd set my heart on fell through and I was pretty bummed. I had been pretty sure that getting a new job would solve all of my problems (new people! new place! I'd learn SPANISH!).
Fast forward to a week and a half ago. Again, pre-period crying after Cameron and I had a heart to heart. I didn't feel like I had a purpose. I couldn't stay in this job much longer. I was so sad and heartbroken and mad at myself for distancing my husband.
Then, magic happened. (GEEZE Aubrey, this is the most dramatic thing I think I've ever written). Cameron suggested I go back to school. At first, the thought terrified me. More student loans is the worst possible thing that ever crossed my mind. However, the more we talked about it, the more peace settled into my heart. School, again? That can happen? Cameron offered to get a job (I've been working full time so he doesn't have to through school) if I had to quit mine for something part time. I suddenly realized that my dream of going to college with my husband may finally be coming true. Just imagine those football games! Cheesy pictures galore! I was even willing to accept the fact that I had to go to WSU and not my beloved Utah State.
So, here we are. I've done my research. I'm applying to receive my teaching license through Weber State's Master of Education program. and I'm going to become the real Mrs. Page, teacher! It didn't really feel real until I threw down a solid $115 for the Praxis and another $20 for a study guide. That is WAY too much money for our small budget, but I know it will be worth it. This peace can't be lyin.
Can you believe it????!!!! I'm going back to school! I better whip my grammar back into shape, fast!
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Trusting
Cameron hasn't had a job in over a year. He sort of worked as a plumber last summer with my brother in law, and we clean together at night, but his school schedule just didn't work well with work. (repetitive much?). However, now that LDSBC is almost a distant memory, we started thinking harder about a job for Cam. We needed something that would really give him time to finish homework; however, we both wanted something that would look kick A on his resume. What follows is two months of applying, interviews, and nothing. I'm sure this isn't too unfamiliar for most people who have applied for a job once in their lives, ha. Nothing groundbreaking here!
But still, it was frustrating me. Cam kept feeling like it wasn't the right time for a job. When God speaks, that kid listens. Sometimes, I take a little longer to listen :). I knew the extra money would be nice, plus getting my family off of his (and my!) back. We prayed, he applied, no one called back, I stressed out, I made Cam stress out. This was a bad cycle that didn't seem to have an end. Someone should have started singing "Let it Be" to me. Chill out, lady! Which was made worse when I was told I would have to drive to Salt Lake every day for work. Our gas bill just quadrupled immediately. Yikes!
Cam decided to just apply to as many jobs as he could. I was impressed by his humility and willingness to go where he was led. The first employer to call back was the Ogden Golf and Country Club. Cam applied for a lifeguard or host position. Basically, employer didn't think he was a good fit for either, saw that he has experience in accounting, took him to the accounting department where they are currently behind and in need of a part time employer, found out he, meaning the boss, had already emailed Cam's resume to the accounting department {divine providence!}, and Cameron now has a job. He loves it, and the real kicker, he can put that he was an accountant for 2+ years during school! Score!
Lesson learned: listen to God. Follow his promptings. Trust God and your husband.
Also, my husband now has a serious fascination with golf, weird.
But still, it was frustrating me. Cam kept feeling like it wasn't the right time for a job. When God speaks, that kid listens. Sometimes, I take a little longer to listen :). I knew the extra money would be nice, plus getting my family off of his (and my!) back. We prayed, he applied, no one called back, I stressed out, I made Cam stress out. This was a bad cycle that didn't seem to have an end. Someone should have started singing "Let it Be" to me. Chill out, lady! Which was made worse when I was told I would have to drive to Salt Lake every day for work. Our gas bill just quadrupled immediately. Yikes!
Cam decided to just apply to as many jobs as he could. I was impressed by his humility and willingness to go where he was led. The first employer to call back was the Ogden Golf and Country Club. Cam applied for a lifeguard or host position. Basically, employer didn't think he was a good fit for either, saw that he has experience in accounting, took him to the accounting department where they are currently behind and in need of a part time employer, found out he, meaning the boss, had already emailed Cam's resume to the accounting department {divine providence!}, and Cameron now has a job. He loves it, and the real kicker, he can put that he was an accountant for 2+ years during school! Score!
Lesson learned: listen to God. Follow his promptings. Trust God and your husband.
Also, my husband now has a serious fascination with golf, weird.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Stressed
I am a seriously irrational person sometimes. Today and yesterday I have made myself physically sick by worrying about getting an interview, telling my current boss, making enough money, etc. It's gotten out of hand, and I seriously need to chill. I keep telling myself that God has a plan, and if it's part of his plan, then I will get this job. If not, then there is a reason why. I wish i would listen to myself and the thoughts the Holy Ghost puts in my head. Silly Aubrey!
Well, tonight is going to be as worry free as possible. I've got a redbox, some blankets, a projector, and my cute husband to take my mind off the job.
Well, tonight is going to be as worry free as possible. I've got a redbox, some blankets, a projector, and my cute husband to take my mind off the job.
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