Stressed

I am a seriously irrational person sometimes. Today and yesterday I have made myself physically sick by worrying about getting an interview, telling my current boss, making enough money, etc. It's gotten out of hand, and I seriously need to chill. I keep telling myself that God has a plan, and if it's part of his plan, then I will get this job.  If not, then there is a reason why. I wish i would listen to myself and the thoughts the Holy Ghost puts in my head. Silly Aubrey!

Well, tonight is going to be as worry free as possible. I've got a redbox, some blankets, a projector, and my cute husband to take my mind off the job.

Rewrite

I've only posted three times (4?) on this blog/journal/12 year old diary/thing, and I already want to go back and rewrite or revise what I've written. I keep telling myself no, but the English teacher inside of me wants to make it perfect. This shouldn't be perfect. This is more like a stream of consciousness than a manicured essay for the hardest professor known to mankind. I want to look back on these first few posts and be glad that I wrote them and kept them the same. Every goofy, unnatural, and quirky thing that I say is all in the name of progress!

And to completely bug my inner essay writer, here is something completely random without a transition:

My cousin Matt was married on Saturday, and Jason (handsome man in the center) got a fancy new camera! More beautiful pictures of Memorial Day coming. Also, I have a beautiful family.

P.S.

Applied for a job on Friday. I was so terrified to hand in my application I was shaking and my heart was pounding. It still makes me a little sick to my stomach to think about it. I really want the job, but I am scared to tell my current boss that I'm quitting, I'm scared of an interview and the thought of them asking me to speak Spanish, I'm scared that I will end up hating the job, and I'm scared that I won't get it. I'll update more when I get an interview. Then the scariness begins!

Conquered

I have an irrational fear of swimming. You would think my mom would have passed some of her fishlike qualities to all of her children, but, nope. Didn't happen. Don't get me wrong, those swimming lessons I took when I was twelve (in a class of 8 year olds, mind you) totally helped. However, I really get scared by the thought of keeping my head under water and trying to control my breathing, all while keeping my body coordinated.

Today was my day off, woo! and I got a call from madre at eight asking me to come try out water aerobics in her brand, spankin', new pool. I've swam in it a few times already, but definitely didn't get my head under water. I knew the laps were inevitable.

We may have looked ridiculous as we jammed out to Karmin and swung our over-sized, float-able dumbbells around in the water, but seriously, that was a killer workout. I'll definitely come do that again, no matter how weird we looked.

After about 30 minutes of aerobics, she busted out the l word: laps. I started, swam two strokes, sputtered, swallowed water, and came back up. I started to panic and immediately my hand shot out toward the safety of the wall. I tried opening my eyes under water, but that freaked me out even more. Finally, I thought "goggles!" Madre only had snorkeling goggles, but I figured they would work too. Side note, I also have a really hard time breathing out of my mouth. Nose it is, always, unless I'm sick and those are the worst times.

I would like to say, I managed to do about 3 laps successfully with head under water and everything. Score!

And now, three of my fav recent pictures:

Birthday run to Sonic for the big guy

Glasses. Nose. Fail. 

Love the gun being so nicely aimed at the Cam. Thanks, Bendito.  

Peace. 

Keep Writing

Sometimes I don't listen well. In fact, ask my husband and he'll tell you I tune him out about 50% of the time. I tend to be so observant of everything else, I miss out on what's most important. I heard the advice to keep writing constantly at Utah State. The only way to improve, of course, is to simply write. 

So, here I am. This isn't going to be anything special or amazing. Just me, a laptop, and my thoughts. Hopefully a few pictures, if we're lucky. 

I always wanted to be a creative writer, but I know I limit myself constantly by saying I'm not good at it. I can write in my hard copy journal for hours. I always think I sound like I'm twelve by the time I'm finished. This is me pushing myself to improve. Stretch my vocab. Push through the boring. Discover the amazing that occurs every day in my life. 

I have so many things I want to remember. To commemorate this first official online journal, blog, diary, whatever, here are a few things that light up my face lately: 

-when Cam looks at me with eyes so full of love

-the way we both lit up when we house sat Max for Bri and Court last night. Get us a puppy, stat. 

-my attempts at cooking, which are getting better 

-the small moments when I lay down and Cam scootches over and molds to me

-the three goals I scored in soccer on Monday. I've still got it baby. 

-personal discoveries: I need a job that pushes me and forces me to excel 

-the Catholic Mass we happened to attend on Sunday (in SPANISH no less. I understood about 5%) 

-learning Spanish together and getting frustrated at my lack of remembering. I will be fluent. 

Welp. Keep Writing. Got it.